In A Divorce With A Narcissist: A Guide To Dealing With A Narcissist Spouse

December 14, 2022

Terminating a marriage is not an easy thing: it is associated with a lot of stress, anxiety, and misunderstanding. In the eyes of many people, divorce is something completely impossible to deal with without fights and public scandals. Thus, the divorce from a narcissist is probably a disaster on Earth. How to get it done and save the leftovers of your mental health? Can you live a normal life after leaving a narcissist and how to do it? In this post, the most effective tips were gathered for you to make a break-up with a narcissist and divorce bearable. Do not hesitate to start your best life alone and be happy! 

Decide on the type of divorce you are going to carry out

The first step you should take when you are trying to figure out how to deal with a narcissist spouse and leave them is to choose the way you are getting divorced. It can be either uncontested or contested marriage dissolution. The former option implies you will split without mutual claims and blames, while the latter is for those who want a judge to divide their property and finances for them. Although uncontested divorce is a favorable option for everyone, you are not likely to reach it with your narcissist partner. Such people will not let their partners go amicably, but if you have the smallest chances of a successful divorce in Erie county in Pennsylvania, do that.

Understand your financial situation

Before you dive into litigation with your spouse, count the money you have at your disposal to see whether you can afford a lawyer. In case you do, start your search in your state and collect reviews from your friends to be sure that a particular professional can meet your needs. 

Get legal support 

If you cannot cover the attorney’s fees, consider getting online legal support to at least understand how the divorce process looks. Then, search for state or federal initiatives allowing you to get a lawyer for free. Consider turning to women’s support organizations that help those running away from abusers and narcissists. You will surely find those who are ready to assist you free of charge. 

Document every divorce interaction with your spouse

The next thing you should remember is to record every encounter you have with your spouse. When dealing with a narcissist, it will be even better to have your attorney with you every time you see them. This is to avoid falling under your abusive partner’s spell and doing things you should not do or agreeing to the divorce terms that will harm you in the long run. 

Having a witness to prove your words in court is important for winning any divorce case, so do not neglect it if you want to get divorced from a narcissist with less stress. 

Do not expect the case to be finalized quickly

Since the uncontested divorce is not likely for a situation where the other party to the case is a narcissist as we noticed below, you should get a lot of patience to finish the process. Your partner may try to abuse you emotionally, threaten you with physical assault, promise to take away your kids, etc., but you have to stay numb to their attempts to bring you down. Keep in mind that your communication should take place in the frame of local laws and that every act of abuse should be reported as soon as it happens. 

Find out how to maintain your mental health

The next thing you should pay attention to is your state of mind and its stability during a divorce. Years with a narcissist in your house could not have gone without an impact, so your mental health might not be in its best condition now. Therefore, getting therapy wouldn’t be needless: do it at least to perceive the divorce and your claims during it as reasonable and justified. 

Keep your eyes open on the communication of your narcissist spouse with your kids

Another aspect of interacting with a narcissist during a divorce that can cause a lot of damage to your future is their communication with your kids. Regardless of their relations during the years you were a family, you should be aware of the kind of talks they’re having now. Likely, your narcissist partner manipulates children to use them for their good and get a favorable court decision: do not let that happen. Also, you should not let your partner abuse your kids and demand too much from them

Do not act too obviously though: collect the facts that favor you, not your spouse, and do not confront them openly about your children. 

Find witnesses who will support you

The closer it gets to the litigation beginning, the more supporters you will need to gather around you. Be they your family, colleagues, friends, exes, whoever wants to stand your ground will be valuable. Let them speak out about your marriage without any trace of self-blaming for what happened in your life. No one is assured from becoming a victim of a narcissist. 

Learn to run your emotions

This will be of great help in the courtroom as well. Your narcissist partner surely knows how to get the right emotions from people to make them believe in their words. That is why you should train yourself to stay calm regardless of what they are saying and what kind of emotion they want to impose on you. Although it sounds easier than getting it done, teaching your mind to be louder than your emotional reactions is crucial in winning over a narcissist. 

Do not be easily dragged into emotional fights in the courtroom

Finally, you have to be ready for the nuances of litigation, like having to back up your position in front of a judge and other people in the court. If you are hiring a lawyer, they will build the strategy of the conduct for you and all you will need to do is stick to it. Otherwise, you will need to develop it on your own and stay neutral to your partner’s attempts to unbalance you verbally. 

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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