How To Retain Your Dignity And Self-Respect During Relationship Breakdown

April 13, 2024

Not all relationships last. This is not an indictment on you as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. It is just a fact that sometimes, people grow apart. Some people make mistakes. Sometimes, a relationship can runs its course. Luckily, this is balanced by the fact that you can be happy with so many people that finding “the one” is not necessarily your only chance in life. But of course, a relationship ending is rarely the right time for that. Dealing with the confusion and unhappy feelings you re going through is nothing but a helpful first step.

Retaining your dignity and self-respect during that relationship breakdown can feel difficult, but if you are mindful, you can. Sure, you might be working with attorneys helping you with their divorce laws adultery expertise, or you might be putting your best foot forward for custody or the fair sharing of your assets, but there are some very redeeming and helpful steps to take to move past this hardship.

In this post, we will help you consider a few tips for doing so:

Try Not To Score Points Or Win Battles

During any kind of relationship end, it can be tempting to try and “win” by arguing every little point or digging in your heels on certain issues. Of course, constantly battling it out rarely leads anywhere good. It just creates more conflict, resentment and drama. The high road is realizing you are both going through a tough transition, so being flexible and willing to compromise when possible is better than obsessively keeping score of who said what. After all, no one really cares who wins an argument, they only care about themselves. If there are kids involved, being the cooler and calmer person sets a good example too. Approaching conversations in a spirit of fairness, instead of trying to “crush” your ex, often produces better outcomes.

Be Professional And Amicable

No matter how messy things get, it is wise to still maintain professionalism and basic amicability as much as possible when dealing with your ex’s lawyers, financial advisors, custody evaluators or anyone else involved. Venting anger and lashing out might feel cathartic in the moment, but it rarely helps your case and can damage your reputation. It also has no reward. Getting heated and making a scene also models poor behavior for kids caught in the middle. It is understandable emotions run high, but taking a businesslike approach and just focusing on the logistics tends to make an already hard situation a bit easier. In some cases, this can also help you limit the emotional damage of leaving. Who knows, you might even remain friends.

Do Not Feel Ashamed, Dismissed, Or Lesser

It is natural to feel a sense of shame, embarrassment or diminished self-worth when a relationship ends, especially if you were not the one to initiate it or you felt somewhat betrayed. But those feelings ultimately do not serve you. Remind yourself that a breakup or divorce does not make you a failure or lessen your value as a person. Relationships take work from both parties and sometimes things just do not work out despite people’s best efforts. Let yourself have confidence that you will bounce back from this. Do not let your ex’s potential negative behavior or mindset drag you down either. Hold your head high and focus on surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you. It will help you to heal and move forward.

With this advice, you will be sure to maintain your dignity and self respect even during a relationship’s end.

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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