Confidence does not come naturally to everyone. It is something a lot of people have to nurture within themselves over time, and often they have to ‘fake it until they make it’.
Confidence building tends to start in early childhood, with the experiences we have when we are young being the building blocks of how we see ourselves, our capabilities, and our position in the world around us.
And when you are a parent who wants their child to feel like they can take on the world, you are going to be invested in building their confidence, curiosity, and self esteem. You are going to want to make it feel natural and easy to be themselves.
But sometimes, building this confidence takes some crucial parenting techniques. So, from the moment they are born, what can you do to help your child feel confident, grow in confidence, and take charge of their own lives?
Encourage, Rather Than Criticise
Criticism lets us know someone thinks we have not done something right, or that we have not done it well enough. Encouragement, on the other hand, makes us feel like we can actually do something.
Criticism says success is the only option. Encouragement says it is OK to give it a go. And it is very easy for one to sound like the other!
But when you want your child to feel more confident, it is important to check yourself on the way you give advice, feedback, or how you ask them to do things.
Say you would like your child to clean their room. It is a bit of a mess, and you would like them to get into the habit of picking up after themselves.
Criticism would be just telling them their room is messy and it needs to be cleaned.
Encouragement is asking them to tidy up their toys, letting them know why that is important, and congratulating them on putting in the effort once they are done.
Treat Failures And Successes As Equals
Every child has those moments when they make mistakes, misbehave, or literally fall down and need to be picked up again.
These ‘failures’ need to be treated the same as any ‘successes’ they have (doing as they are told, completing their homework, eating all their dinner before asking for pudding, etc.).
When you make an active effort to turn the ‘bad’ moments into something more warm and friendly, you can help your child keep their chin up and keep going.
They know you are on their side, even if you are in the middle of telling them that they did something wrong. And that makes all the difference to their self esteem in the long run.
Let Them Figure Things Out On Their Own
This does not mean be as hands off as you can possibly be, not at all! And if you are a parent who loves to be involved as your child tries something new, there is no need to change that!
But it is always good to let kids have a go at something first, before you step in to gently guide or direct them.
For example, if they are doing a jigsaw puzzle, let them put the pieces in the wrong place, and see if they notice on their own. Or more simply, let them come to you to ask for help before it is offered.
And if they ‘do not notice’, and seem to enjoy just putting the pieces together as they like, you have given yourself the opportunity to learn something important about how your child has fun!
Sign Them Up for Clubs They Will Enjoy
When kids have a chance to go and do something they enjoy, and when it is outside of the home, they can build confidence in a variety of ways.
They get to interact with other kids and pick up some crucial social skills. They get to be independent, in a small way, and discover how that feels.
And they may also get the chance to demonstrate their skills in front of the group, and there is nothing like public speaking and performing to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin!
There are quite a few clubs your child can get involved in, whether they are of school age or not. From preschool dance classes to a kid’s soccer club, as well as a softplay group or a drawing and painting class, there are all kinds of activities for your child to try out!
What is essential, however, is making sure they are allowed to attend clubs they actually have interest in!
Signing your child up for soccer, when they never watch soccer, play with a soccer ball, or ask for a kickabout in the garden, might mean they may not enjoy the club.
They may just feel it is something they have to attend because you said so, and are not able to try out any of the opportunities we noted above.
Let Them Fall Over
Kids can be a bit reckless, we all know that! When they play, they might jump, climb, and slide all over the place. In doing so, they can pick up some bumps and bruises.
That can make parents want to put a stop to this kind of fun. If your child has a chance to get hurt, you do not want them doing it!
However, falling over, getting a scrape, and getting back up to run around and try all over again, is just part of being a kid!
Being told this is something they are not allowed to do limits the fun, and can cause much more worry instead.
Building Your Child’s Confidence From Day One
It is both more and less simple than you might think! For one, it is all about encouragement. For another, it’s about treating mistakes in a neutral way.
But above all, it is about letting your child explore the world in their own way, and at their own pace.
So, let them join clubs they find fun. Let them play with their toys in the way they see fit. Try to encourage, more than criticise. And when they fall, let them get up and try again!
