Life After Divorce: Choices For The Smart Woman

April 4, 2017

Getting a divorce is a huge decision that you need to plan ahead for. After a whole year of contemplation, my friend made a smart move and hired a divorce lawyer in Oregon to get her the best and fairest settlement she could possibly get, given her situation. However, that is not the only part you should be preparing for. While you are in the process of divorcing your partner, you are in the middle of the action with heightened emotions, tension, arguments, court dates, legal agreements, and so on. You will hardly get the time to sit and reflect on the future during this time. Once the dust settles and you are single, that is when the real problems begin to pop up, one after the other. In order to help you overcome some of those ordeals or to prevent them from occurring in the first place, here are a few tips that you will probably find useful:

Get Over It

You should always reconsider your decision multiple times before committing to a divorce, but once you have taken that decision, it is time to get over the past and move forward. This is, of course, easier said than done and we are not saying that you need to make it happen in a week. Having said that, a year is the maximum amount of time that you should need to be ready, and at the end of this period, you must be looking forward to the new life you clearly have ahead of you. If you are the one who has been divorced, there is no point in believing that you are the victim. It could be true, but that mentality will not help you in any way to survive and live a happy life. Do what you need to do to move forward, however moving forward is something that you must do.

The Finances

If you are dependent on alimony, then things are about to get a little tight. The income of your ex-husband is now split into two parts. Whereas, earlier the same amount of money was more than enough to run a single household, it may not seem as good when being used to run two separate families. As your lifestyle will take a hit, the idea is not to find another man who can help you maintain your former way of life, but to get a better job or higher education that will help you to get where you need to be in your career. Use the opportunity to liberate yourself and truly become independent. Alternatively, you can learn to live with what you have if your situation is not ideal for giving your career a new start. Either way, it is going to be alright, as long as you make peace with yourself.

Get Out Of His Life

This is a piece of advice which will benefit you more than him. As long as you have joint custody of the kids, you will be seeing him and talking to him on a regular basis, and that is where many women make the mistake of still trying to change or control how he behaves. It could be that he spoils the children with things that you do not approve of or he lets them stay up and watch TV way past their bedtime. Whatever your issues regarding his way of handling the kids or himself are, you need to ask yourself two questions:

  1. Is it abusive?
  2. Is it illegal?

If the answer to neither of the questions is yes, then you need to back away. It is not unnatural to want your children to be under your control, but you cannot control the way your ex decides to behave with them, because he is their parent too. The sooner you understand and accept it, the faster and easier it will be for you to move on. If you are arguing with your ex over tiny things, even after a divorce, then the point of the divorce kind of fails! Also, parenting after divorce is a sensitive affair as it is always the hardest on the children even though they may not have had anything to do with it.

Nobody ever said that separation is going to be easy, but it does not have to be as tough as some of us make it out to be either. As long as you have a positive mindset and a true intention to move on, you should be fine after the divorce. The only thing is to be mentally prepared for what is coming next and hire a good divorce lawyer Oregon!

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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