Throughout the course of our life, we all go through some type of abuse, sometimes it’s more overt, like physical or verbal. At other times, it can be so deeply ingrained into our psyche that we may find it difficult to leave certain abusive situations. A common example of the latter type is narcissistic abuse. In today’s blog, we’re going to understand what narcissistic abuse is and its relationship with our self esteem. We’re also going to look at some tried and tested ways to rebuild your self esteem if you’ve been abused by a narcissist in the past.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a deep psychological abuse that can be done by someone who’s close to you. The aim of this abuse is to keep you under the control of the abuser by using manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting, physical threats, isolation and criticism among other ways all aimed at influencing your behavior to suit your abuser’s wants. If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, be it a romantic partner, parent, sibling, or even a friend, you may have noticed feelings of low self-esteem and anxiety creep up slowly in your body.
Many times, these negative behaviors may even manifest themselves as physical illnesses or deep emotional trauma. Once you learn to realize the abuse and find ways to leave the person and/or situation that triggers your emotional wounds, it can become easier to navigate the labyrinth and the negative patterns can subside when coupled with therapy.
Seven Ways To Rebuild Your Self Esteem After Narcissistic Abuse
Even if you have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse in the past, it is possible to regain your sense of self and rebuild your self esteem after leaving the person who made you feel neglected and belittled your emotions. If you’re just starting out on your journey to rediscover yourself, these seven tips will help you find what you’re looking for:
Acknowledge The Unhealthy Dynamic
The first step towards recovering your self esteem is to deeply acknowledge the fact that you were a victim of narcissistic abuse. The idea behind validating the experience is to get more in-tune with your feelings, learn more about what gravitated you towards a person who showed signs of narcissism and understand that the abuse wasn’t your fault, rather you were stuck in an unhealthy dynamic that drained your physical and mental energy. Sometimes the hardest part of healing is to acknowledge the abuse that caused you emotional and physical trauma. Validating your feelings can help you find the strength to rebuild your self esteem as you learn to bring your life on-track.
Be Patient And Compassionate Towards Yourself
Once you recognize the pattern that you were stuck in, it’s important to show deep compassion for yourself. Narcissistic abuse negatively impacts your core beliefs and makes you question everything that you think you knew. That’s why it’s extremely important to be very patient with yourself as you unlearn the ideas and beliefs that kept you stuck in the abuse, while also re-learning ways to enhance your self esteem. Once you learn that the journey to self-growth isn’t linear but as long as you’re moving forward, it’s worth every ounce of patience, compassion, and effort, even if it feels like the most difficult thing to do right now.
Find Support Around You
Learning to trust people after being in a narcissistically abusive relationship can be one of the most difficult things to do. But it can also be a great way to heal after being in an unsupported relationship for far too long. The biggest impact of an abusive relationship is on your other relationships, as the abuser isolates you from people you love and care about in your life. If you’ve recently gotten out of a toxic relationship and are looking to rebuild your self esteem, try to be more social. Spend time with your friends and family, or join a support group with people who have also been on the receiving end of a narcissistic abusive relationship.
Learn To Set Healthy Boundaries
The best way to reaffirm your sense of self is by setting healthy boundaries and respecting them deeply. Learn to listen to your gut feeling and honor how it makes you feel. If a person, situation, setting, or thing feels uncomfortable or triggers you unnaturally to feel more anxious, say no to it.
Sometimes more subtle things like saying no to last minute plans, letting no one disrespect you, or not engaging with someone who displays abusive tendencies is the best way to protect your heart and rebuild your self esteem in the long run. The more you learn about yourself and what fulfils you, the easier it will become to set and protect yourself from people and things that drain your energy.
Reclaim Your Energy And Autonomy
An essential component of healing your sense of self esteem that you lost in your narcissistic and abusive relationship is engaging in activities that enhance your autonomy and help you recognize your self worth. Start simple by setting small, and achievable goals for yourself everyday and celebrate small victories to help your brain recognize that you’re a winner. In order to reclaim your autonomy, start going out more, whether that’s on dates or simply out with your friends.
Many women who have been in a relationship that involved narcissistic abuse and aren’t ready to date yet may benefit from going out with male escorts as well. Since these professionals understand the importance of consent and offer deep emotional support, it might be easier for you to transition back into normal life and understand the kind of treatment that you truly deserve from your relationships.
You may also want to consider taking up exploratory activities like traveling. All of these activities can help you build an inner sense of self and understand which activities reinforce a strong sense of self and help you become more autonomous.
Practice Self Care Intentionally
There’s a direct connection between self care practices and self esteem. When you intentionally do things that make you feel good about yourself, and add to your cup, you teach yourself that you’re worthy of good things and that you deserve to be cherished in life. Finding your sense of self is difficult after being in an abusive relationship, but fortunately it takes a few simple steps to regain your self esteem.
Whether you enjoy skincare, working out, listening to music, or watching funny videos online, try to incorporate it into your daily routine. If you find yourself working a lot, it might be time to set some time aside for things that bring you joy. Do things that make your physical and mental health better. For instance, taking the first ten minutes of your day to simply practice deep breathing can help you feel grounded and relaxed as you get on with your day.
Rewire Your Brain For Positivity
Narcissistic abuse can leave you with deep psychological wounds that need to be taken care of with love. Rewiring your brain to think positively takes intentional practice. One way to do this is to listen and repeat positive affirmations everyday. Challenge the negative thoughts and perceptions that creep up in your mind by looking for proof that disarms those thoughts. If you want to bring real changes into your life, it is worth seeking out the help of a professional psychologist who deals with narcissistic abuse. Not only can they help you accept yourself fully but also help you decipher habits that promote self love in your body. When done regularly, these habits can help you rebuild your self esteem and create a positive self image.
Final Thoughts
In the end, the question isn’t why it happened to you but how you can ensure your safety so you never fall back into those patterns. Narcissistic abuse isn’t the victim’s fault. By learning to recognize and acknowledge the unhealthy patterns, showing compassion to yourself, finding the right support, setting boundaries to protect your inner peace, reclaiming parts of yourself that you lost to that toxic period of your life, practicing self care, and rewiring your brain to fight against those patterns, you can rebuild your self esteem after narcissistic abuse and focus on building a life full of love, safety, and happiness.
