Parenting? It is wonderful, and, yes, stressful too, perhaps too stressful at times. Between the constant demands of managing a household, raising kids, and, as we are all doing, working, it is easy to feel overwhelmed down.
We can often put ourselves last on the priority list, but this means that we invariably do not take care of ourselves as best as we can and should. We can often think that if we put everybody else before our needs, that there is some sense of heroism in this. However, for anybody that is ever been on a flight in an airplane, you have to put your air mask on first before you can help others.
Taking care of ourselves is not just a good idea but essential for being the best parents we can be. Sometimes recharging is as simple as finding joy in the small moments or indulging in a favorite hobby during your downtime, so let us show you some practical strategies that cover as many bases as possible so you can manage stress, find the balance, and perhaps more importantly, reclaim your energy!
Scheduling Me Time (Without The Guilt)
We often feel guilty about the fact that we are taking time for ourselves, but the fact is guilt is par for the course as a parent, and actually, me time is not selfish at all, it is absolutely necessary. When you prioritize your own well-being, you are far better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting with an even level of energy and, perhaps more importantly, a great sense of patience. You may think it is absolutely impossible to give yourself any me time, but there is a number of approaches that we should all remember to bear in mind:
- Setting a daily ritual, and whether this is enjoying coffee in silence before the children wake up or taking a few minutes to read before bed, establish a routine that is just for you.
- If your children still nap, you should use it wisely and not use this time to tackle chores because it is going to sap your energy levels. Instead, make the most of this little time to do something that is actually going to feed your mind, body, or spirit. It is all grist to the mill. You could be someone who likes journaling or meditating, but many people actively choose to take part in gaming, whether it is online roulette, Sudoku, or a few rounds of Fortnite. Doing something that is for you, that you do not share with anybody, is just as important, and sometimes we can forget this.
- Letting your partner know when you need time for yourself is critical, and more importantly, work together so you can both have space for it.
- Scheduling me time into your calendar like you would any other appointments is one of the best ways to ensure that you stick to it. We have non-negotiables in life, whether it is the school run or meal times, and we should do the same thing with me time.
- Finally, if finding a solid amount of time feels impossible, start small! Sometimes, if our children see us dedicating every aspect of our lives to them, then they will not recognize when we need some time for ourselves. It is about starting really small, particularly if you do not give yourself any time. Starting small with even just a couple of minutes a day and telling the children that this is your time means that over time, the message will sink in, and they will soon understand that this is important for you. Gradually, over the months, you could build up to something far more rejuvenating.
Building A Support Network
It is often easy for us to go online and look at the perfect parents, complete with Instagram filters and four posts or more per day, but let us be real, this is a hugely sanitized version of what parenting is really like, and we always need to bear this in mind! Lots of parents go on Mumsnet and other social media groups for support, but actually, surrounding yourself with a strong support network in real life is going to make all the difference. That is not to say joining social media groups or forums are not beneficial, but do not forget, if you are being that parent where you are sat in the corner idly scrolling when you could be spending time with your children, then it is worth taking a good look at yourself. So here is how to help you to get that real support network:
- Joining online parenting groups in your community where you can share experiences and get advice. Do not hesitate to ask for help with family members or friends for assistance with childcare or even errands when you need a little break. Yes, it is easier said than done, but if we do not ask, we do not get!
- Delegating tasks, which is particularly important if you feel overwhelmed by household responsibilities. One of the most invaluable tools to help you understand if something is important, urgent, not important, not urgent, and the other variations is the Eisenhower decision matrix. You may very well be wasting time on tasks that are not serving you in the slightest. Take a bit of time to figure out what is actually important and urgent, and either delegate or batch tasks together.
Let Go Of Perfectionism
We have talked about the whole Instagram filter culture, and there is greater pressure than ever to be perfect, but it is completely unnecessary. Our children do not need perfection. Our job is to give them love, attention, and care to the point where they feel they do not need as much anymore. Gradually, as our children get older, the time-sensitive nature of parenting slowly decreases, but here is a number of ways to let go of perfectionism:
- Embrace imperfection and accept that it is okay if the house is not spotless or dinners are not homemade every night. You are trying the best you can, and that is good enough.
- Be realistic in your expectations and focus on what truly matters, because you do not need to do it all, and instead, spend quality time with the kids instead.
- Acknowledge and appreciate the little things you accomplish every single day instead of focusing on the things you did not do, which goes back to the aforementioned Eisenhower decision matrix.
- Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer a friend in your situation. We often do not think of ourselves as worthy of self-compassion, and it is hard to take those small steps at the very beginning, particularly if everyone is used to you embracing perfectionism. Just slowly let it go.
Incorporating Mindfulness Into Your Day
Whatever your opinion is on mindfulness, be it a hippie endeavor or something that is worth embracing, it is not about meditation, it is about small practices that actually can help you make a bigger impact on your life. Here are some things to consider:
- Spend five minutes at the beginning of your day mindfully. This could be setting an intention for the day or just focusing on your breath. There is an excellent heart rate variability (HRV) breathing clip on YouTube that can get you into the zone.
- Practicing gratitude, no matter how small these things are. Writing three things that you are grateful for has been shown to have a positive effect on your frame of mind and your well-being.
- Recognize that you control your stress response. When we are in a panic, we breathe fast, and our heart rate goes up. Physiologically speaking, when we breathe out, our heart rate slows down, and when we breathe in, our heart rate speeds up. So if you find yourself in a stressful moment, focus on breathing out for as long as possible. This can help you center yourself and, like a little trick, you are slowly going to regain control over your fight-or-flight response. They will not happen overnight, but set that intention to start practicing!
- Engaging fully in activities, whether it is playing with your kids or cooking dinner. Try your best to be present in the moment without distractions.
Staying Organized
Ultimately, we can feel we are in a chaotic environment, and this is partly due to the fact that our children operate within their own time zones, but if we stay organized, we can create a structure that can help everything run more smoothly:
- Use calendars or planners to keep track of schedules, appointments, and tasks.
- Plan meals ahead of time on a weekly basis, so dinner time feels less stressful and therefore involves fewer decisions at the last possible minute.
- Declutter on a regular basis, as a tidy home is going to create far more mental clarity. And if you can involve your kids in decluttering or even wiping down a surface, this can make all the difference.
- Establish routines for both morning and evening, as this can help streamline those daily tasks like getting ready or bedtime rituals. We have to think about that overriding concept of decision fatigue. It is all about that delegating, and so when you start to recognize that doing certain tasks ahead of time makes for a less stressful morning, you can then embed these habits, and stress is not going to get the better of us.
The fact is parenting can all wear us down, which is why those practical approaches can be pivotal.
