What No One Told You About The Divorce Process

June 16, 2021

Divorce can be one of the toughest experiences someone can go through. There is nothing more overwhelming than letting go of your marriage, the home, and the family you built with the person you once thought was going to be your partner forever. Unfortunately, most people dive into the divorce process unprepared and get caught off-guard. That is why we have gathered a list of the things no one tells you about when it comes to divorce. 

The Guilt

No one mentions the guilt that weighs you down after a divorce. You may feel that you have failed your family or wish that you were a totally different person who would’ve handled things differently. However, do not let yourself drown in your guilt, and most importantly, do not blame yourself. It takes two people to make the marriage work, and sometimes it is better to live apart, even if you have kids. Children do not deserve to witness arguments and constant fights, so separation may actually be the right decision for your family. As much as making your kids split up the holidays seems horrible, two homes can be better than one unhealthy home. 

Moving On Is A Hard Process

Moving on can certainly be a hard process. You will find yourself grieving, reminiscing, and recalling the good times you spent together before everything went downhill. Giving in to negative thoughts and emotions will leave you devastated. These thoughts might include “I have wasted a whole decade of my life”, “I gave that person everything”, or “I will never love again”. Remember that it always gets worse before it gets better, you might feel awful right now, but you have to know that you are better off and believe that you will end up much happier after the divorce. You will feel empowered, especially when you realize that you left an unhealthy relationship or a person who mistreated you. After this moment of epiphany, you will begin to focus on yourself and start soul searching. You can even reach out to a therapist to help you regain your confidence as you go through this process. 

The Legal Part

Dealing with family court systems and attending trials can be horrendous experiences. However, other less stressful ways can help you reach a resolution, settle legal issues, and save court expenses. The two parties have to communicate effectively to avoid conflicts and reach a middle ground. If you live in Orlando Florida, you can reach out to a divorce mediator in Orlando who can encourage healthy communication between you and your ex-partner to resolve any issues, avoid unnecessary and costly battles in courts, and ensure your rights are met. Most people try to preserve their privacy by negotiating first, instead of heading to public courts when they run into trouble. Topics of negotiation may include: 

  • Asset division
  • Child custody 
  • Spousal support
  • Parental visitations 

People Will Judge 

No one tells you how most people around you will judge you, even your closest friends and relatives. You have to be prepared because many people have little empathy for those who are getting a divorce. They may view you as an irresponsible person, a bad parent, or a neglectful spouse, and consequently, you will find them drifting away from you as if you were contagious, and being around you will ruin their marriage too. You will be shocked when you do not receive the support that you expected from your friends. On the bright side, this will help you know who your real friends are. You will come to appreciate your loyal friends who understood what you’re going through and stood by your side all along.

Insurance

Your health insurance is a huge issue that may not have crossed your mind. Many people are covered by their partner’s health insurance plan provided by their employer. Once you are divorced, you will not be on that plan anymore. Unfortunately, you can end up having to look for private health insurance plans which are quite expensive.

It Takes Longer Than You Think

It is sad to say that divorce is not a swift process. It takes longer than most people think. All financial accounts and assets must be studied to determine the division of assets. This is a hectic task that can breed tension between the both of you and requires valuation experts, financial advisors, actuaries, and attorneys. Reaching out to all kinds of professionals and waiting for all these measurements to happen is far from simple, so try to file for the divorce as soon as you can and do not wait for too long after the separation. Even if you have been separated for a while before filing the divorce papers, you could still be obligated to split anything you purchase after moving out.

When You Have Kids

The first thing that comes to your mind when you think about your children is probably how much they will be hurt or how much the divorce will harm them. Despite their innocent yet heartbreaking questions like: ”Why do we have two houses?” or “Why do not we all live together anymore?”, no one mentions how divorce is a good opportunity to teach your kids how to cope with change and adapt to difficult situations. Keep in mind that:

  • You have to talk to your kids about your decision to separate. Practice how you are going to break the news so that feelings of sadness or anger do not overwhelm you.
  • You must emphasize the fact that the divorce has nothing to do with them, as many kids feel they are the ones to blame, so reassurance is key.
  • Each parent needs to stay equally involved in the children’s lives. 

There is no doubt that divorce is pretty complicated, even if you and your ex-partner are on good terms. It is still very hard to split everything that was once melded into one life. Everything turns out very different from what you have heard or thought about before when you actually experience getting divorced. We hope we included the most important things people fail to mention about divorce so that you are well-prepared and ready to face this process on solid ground. Remember to love yourself and to stay strong, it will all be over soon enough. 

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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