How to know if you are in a toxic/abusive relationship?

December 21, 2018

Life gets its meaning from the relationships we have! Everyone wants a successful relationship with their partners, children, friends or spouses. However, such a close, private and precious bond is meant to encounter challenging moments. But it’s the partners, friends, and individuals concerned decide how they want to sail through the same. There are moments of verbal spats, altercations, emotional highs and lows, ego clashes, unfulfilled expectations and many more. But a stable and hearty bond is enjoyed by those people who are willing to cut the drama and focus on the solution.

And on the other spectrum of it, we have the abusive and toxic relationships and partnerships. These bonds sometimes become filled with dense energies and an innate negative pattern that needs to get addressed and healed for the betterment of both the parties concerned. While counseling and therapy can improve both, it is essential to know about toxic relationships more to either steer clear of it or heal it.

Understanding an abused/toxic relationship

Do you want to know what is a toxic relationship? Unlike a decent and happy relationship, a toxic relationship is where one person suffers the after-effects of another person’s emotional instabilities. It often observed that an abusive partner in the relationship alternates between passive and aggressive behavior patterns. The powerplay, manipulation, and lack of empathy are some of the issues of a toxic relationship, that is tough to remedy when one or both the partners are immature and lack a balanced perspective.

The after-effect of a toxic relationship is never pleasant! It leads to foul mood swings and panic attacks as well. Sometimes, people in a toxic relationship develop an addiction to food or any other substance, resulting in substance abuse. Though it is time-consuming, therapy is the only solution for healing a toxic relationship.

But before that, it is essential to know whether or not you are into a toxic bond or not.

Signs of a toxic/abusive relationship

Not many men and women have clear-cut ideas about a toxic or abusive bond. They often put on the compromise lens and keep on tolerating behavioral instabilities from their partners. Here are some of the essential signs to know that you are in a toxic bond:

  1. Your partner always seems to be correct

No two people think alike. And relationships will have a difference of opinions and clash of views. However, a healthy and steady relationship is one, where both the partners are willing to listen to the other, give space to each other’s differing views and be open to multiple perspectives and opinions. If your partner insists that his/her way is the correct way or the only way, then that’s a sign of a toxic bond. In such situations, a partner fails to have empathy for the other and wants his/her will to be followed at any and every cost. A toxic partner is one who can insult you and feel that he/she is justified and in doing so. Furthermore, they are entirely unapologetic about their rude and toxic behavior.

  2. You can never joke around or with the person

Healthy humor is a part of a stable and steady relationship! Like friends, couples also need to joke around with each other to bring in an element of joy and laughter in their bond. Things are different when you are in a toxic relationship. Usually, a toxic partner is extra sensitive to jokes and can’t take it when people joke about them in a light-hearted manner. They don’t understand the charm of friendly and light-hearted banter as well. And they will always hold you responsible for the harmless joke by pointlessly putting allegation on you about things you haven’t done.

  3. They want to control and manipulate in every aspect of life

A toxic partner has temper and trust issues. And it’s because of this they aren’t able to trust others wholeheartedly. That’s why they end up manipulating and controlling their partners and spouses in an unhealthy manner. Anything that is done against their will results in their angst. Also, they might trick or manipulate you in doing things that you wouldn’t have agreed to in a sane and correct state of mind.

  4. Makes use of your vulnerability

The vulnerability is not the sign of the weak! Research says that people, who can be vulnerable in front of others, are the ones who are very strong from within. However, a person who wants an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship will always make use of your vulnerability to make you act and respond their way. Research shows that toxic people are often in the lookout for the people who are sad, low and have reduced self-esteem. They make use of their emotional fragility in relationships and inject their negativity and toxicity on their partners.

  5. You feel completely exhausted

One of the most telltale signs of a toxic bond is that you always feel exhausted and fatigued! Usually, a toxic person is one who dumps his/her negative thoughts on you and makes you de-motivated and depressed all the while. Additionally, when you are in a toxic bond, your partner makes it a point for you to seek permission for every single you do, which is a very tall order to fulfill. Also, free will is every individual’s right. If you feel that you always have to walk on egg-shells and that even a careless mistake can cost you your sanity, chances are you are in a toxic relationship, and you need to come out of it at the earliest.

Remedying toxic bonds and relationships is essential. Else, it only results in unwanted chaos and confusion that lead to no productive situation. Also, staying in a toxic relationship for a prolonged period can eat away your self-esteem and confidence. Building yourself back to your confident self can be a difficult task to do. Today, you have access to multiple counselors and healers who can help you heal the situation. Excess toxicity can lead to a nervous attack, trembling voice and also creates an imbalance in the biochemistry of the body, due to emotional turbulence. When you know the signs of a toxic relationship, you can treat yourself or the other better!

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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