Stress is a topic that is often discussed without much ever really being said about what it is, why it happens, and how it can genuinely be avoided. In truth, there are more than enough articles written about self-care in the face of stress, which often seem to all come to the same conclusion: treat yourself now and again, be kind to your body and mind. But as with any major concern, the reality is that without treating the issue at its source, you will never really get a handle on stress.
What is stress?
The most important question to ask ourselves when it comes to dealing with stress is this, simply: What is it? The most basic definition is “a state of mental or emotional duress resulting from demanding circumstances”. In other words, when we are experiencing stress, we are dealing with pressure that comes from a specific source. That can be something acute, like an upcoming event, or something more chronic like overwork. But the key point is that stress is inherently connected to a triggering factor.
Why is “self-care” insufficient?
Self-care is not a problem in and of itself: we could all stand to be a bit kinder to ourselves from time to time. But self-care does not treat stress; it does nothing about the cause, and it does not even really address the symptom either. It temporarily distracts us from both of those things, but a spa day, as nice as it may be, does not remove stressors. And when it comes to symptoms, it does not help us understand the bigger picture of issues like hearing loss, heart health, and digestive problems, all of which (and more) can be caused and aggravated by stress.
So what is likely to be causing my stress?
Sometimes the cause of stress is obvious. If you are constantly working more than a 40-hour week, or your marriage is experiencing discord, or a loved one is ill, all of these are issues that naturally cause stress. Sometimes, however, it can be a hidden stressor that is doing the damage. Unresolved grief, burnout of a number of different kinds, or a prospective future event which may even be a good thing on the face of it, can all cause us to experience that emotional or mental pressure.
And what should I do about it?
A major contributor to stress is the feeling of helplessness and uncertainty that comes along with pressure. In a case of overwork, you may well not see an end point; if a loved one is dealing with illness you will be wondering what the outcome is going to be; even in a positive case such as a potential promotion, you will have to deal with the uncertainty that is involved. The best solution to stress is to face the cause head-on. Look for help with your workload or seek to restructure it; have a conversation with doctors about options for your loved one; chat with a therapist about potential hidden causes.
Equally importantly, try to remove distractions; these are often secondary causes and while they may not be the drivers of your stress, they can aggravate it and add to the sense of overwhelm. If you are having to deal with additional issues, resolve the simpler ones and defer or hand over the ones that cannot immediately be resolved. These may be things like planning an event or redecorating your home; much as they may matter, they do not need to be dealt with by you right now.
Stress is something we all live with for more time than we really should, and it is often not possible to resolve it entirely. But by facing its causes and being realistic about it, we can limit its impact.
