Why Loving Yourself Rather Than A Toxic Partner Is Not Selfish

January 19, 2018

The high and lows of a relationship are consuming, exhilarating, and beautiful in the beginning, but soon when a couple gets acquainted and in routine, the reality gets in the picture. Once the mysterious man becomes unpredictable and cynical, once the romantic woman becomes insecure and bitter, the road becomes rough and shaky. But still, people cling onto the relationship even though they are having regular fights, disconnections are visible, and being together has become taxing and depressing. Why does the couple stay together after all this? Is it the fear of being considered selfish making us stay with a toxic man/woman? Is the burden of the blame too heavy that it is costing your freedom? Since when has self-love become selfish and since when it is ok to live with a toxic partner?

There are many couples who live together not out of love, but out of sheer obligation. They prefer to read books on the law of attraction or divine intervention to resolve their issues, however leaving the toxic relationship is an issue. But choosing oneself over a bad relationship is the best therapy one can do for themselves. Often people from different backgrounds hit it off initially, although when the spark fades they then realize they should not be together and by that time they are too attached to let go.

So, how do you detach from a toxic relationship?

  • Express yourself to your partner: Unsaid breaks up are the harsh ones, as it leaves a permanent imprint on the person who is left behind. If you cannot gather the courage to vocalize your thought then write it in a letter and give it to them. Take some time to mutually discuss everything and let go the relationship together.
  • Letting go of materialistic attachments: It is normal to gift and woo your significant other with surprises, but these gifts become attachments later on that will make you drift back into a toxic relationship. Parting with the materialistic or physical evidence of being together is hard, although necessary and one can do it by donating it or returning the items to the partner.
  • Prioritize your needs: In a relationship, we tend to stop thinking about our needs to keep the significant other happy. Now is the time to prioritize your needs and fill the hole by giving yourself love, time, and affection to get over the past and heal.
  • Positive affirmations and silence: Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Yourself, gave a list of affirmations that will help inner and outer healing. She believes that a positive claim to mind can create miracles. Affirm yourself and read self-help books that can be bought using discount codes from Bydiscountcodes.co.uk and make yourself positive and emotionally strong.
  • Keep yourself busy: With all the extra time in hand, channelize your energy to learn new things or take up hobbies that you always wanted to learn. This is the time to keep yourself busy and creativity is the best way to learn something new and change your mind.

To conclude, choosing self-love over a toxic relationship is not selfish, rather it is called standing up for yourself. Though it may take some time to heal, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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Andi Perullo de Ledesma

I am Andi Perullo de Ledesma, a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Travel Photojournalist in Charlotte, NC. I am also wife to Lucas and mother to Joaquín. Follow us as we explore life and the world one beautiful adventure at a time.

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